The fourth word for this month’s blog series is… Heard. That feeling of being heard is one of the essential outcomes of a trusting culture. This became very clear to me when, as a Superintendent, I was faced with a wide range of stakeholders who were very willing to share their own opinions, questions, concerns, fears, and anger over decisions the district team were making around masking, social distancing, transgender students, equity, …all of the topics that have been on the burning edge of discussions over the past 5 years. One approach that I have used to lower the temperature in these heated confrontations is to take time to listen with empathy, and ask questions from a lens of curiosity. This is hard to do. Especially when the stakeholder questions and opinions reflect misconceptions and misinformation or the conversation feels like a personal attack. “Talk to the hand” may feel like a more satisfying response, it will most certainly shut doors, and will absolutely not solve problems. Instead, when possible, flip the situation so that the individuals walk away feeling heard. Find a time to sit down face to face to talk, especially with a leading voice who will take the conversation back to others. Let them talk. Be empathetic. Ask clarifying questions. As much as you want to jump in and refute what they are saying, solve a problem, or correct a misstatement, don’t interrupt. Take notes instead. Follow up with phrases like, “Would you be willing to connect some dots for me and help me to see how you landed where you are?”, and, “Would you be open to hearing how I connected the dots to land on this decision?” Thank them for taking time to talk with you. The goal is for them to feel like you worked to see the situation from their perspective, reflected on their concerns, and found some common ground with them (usually this is the fact that we all want what is best for students). Sometimes this is all they really want and they may shift their focus elsewhere. Sometimes, even though they may still not agree, they may have an increased level of trust in you and will tell that to others. While they don’t agree on one decision, they may be more open to trusting other decisions in the future.
How do we ensure that our students and staff feel heard? What actions do we take to make space for students to share their lived experiences? How do students see these reflected in their instructional materials and classwork? When students are passionate about an issue, do we have a system in place that they can use to act on that passion within the safe space of our schools? I think about the student leaders who approached the school administration with their plan for a peaceful walkout to protest gun violence in schools. They felt heard by the administration, who listened to their concerns and their plan, asked questions to better understand the beliefs and experience of the students, then made sure that the students had a safe space to hold the demonstration. I think about the classrooms where students are heard, so they feel safe to share their thinking with their classmates and teachers who listen, ask questions and work together to make sure everyone is included in the learning. I think about teacher teams who have implemented effective PBIS systems because they took the time to really hear each other, their students, and the voices of community partners. I think about the district transportation team who felt heard in past discussions with the administration, as a result, felt confident as valued members of the district team, and proposed an idea for a Little Free Library by the bus garage, housed in a little bus, complete with student designed bus safety bookmarks. Prioritizing hearing over listening can empower everyone within your sphere of influence and expand your own capacity as a leader - in your classroom, building or district.
I created a set of guiding questions to to start your reflection on your ability to ensure others feel heard:
How often do I actively try to understand the emotions and perspectives of those I lead?
What does it look like when I make a conscious effort to see situations from their point of view?
What helps me to refrain from interrupting and allow individuals to express themselves fully?
How am I aware of the impact of my non-verbal cues on the perception of being heard?
How frequently do I paraphrase or summarize what others have shared to ensure understanding?
How often do I use open-ended questions to explore the thoughts and feelings of others?
When do I create a safe space where individuals feel accepted and free to express themselves?
How do I highlight and leverage the strengths and resilience of individuals on my team?
How do I perceive the impact of my communication on the relationships within the team or my classroom?
Resources To Spark Your Thinking
Two Ways To Help Your Team Members Feel Heard - Greater Good Magazine UC Berkeley
7 Ways To Make Employees Feel Respected According To Research - Harvard Business Review
6 Small But Mighty Ways To Make Your Students Feel Important - Edutopia
6 Ways To Improve Your Listening Skills - Harvard Business Education
Great Educators Are Active Listeners- How to Help Your Students Feel Heard - Scanlan Center For School Mental Health (Univ of Iowa)
Tools To Add To Your Toolbox:
Literacy and Math walkthrough tools https://www.learnwithsap.org/ (Achievethecore.org)
World Knowledge Expert Tasks - https://www.learnwithsap.org/
peersandpedagogy/world- knowledge-companion-text-sets- empowering-educators-and- inspiring-students-through- literacy/ Doug Reeve’s ASCD blog post on Systems Thinking https://www.ascd.org/blogs/
lets-stop-treating- achievement-discipline-and- attendance-as-separate