As we celebrate commencement and honor students who are successfully moving on to the next grade or their next school, it is important to pause and remember the students we lost this year. Their lives have left a lasting impression on their classmates, teachers, administrators, and staff. This is a hard subject to talk or write about, and for some of you, it may raise very raw or recent emotions. If this is difficult for you, know that you are not alone. I encourage you to reach out to a counselor or seek support. (The Ohio Care Line)
We are fortunate to have many caring school counselors who have participated in the additional grief and crisis support training. They readily respond within their own districts and to neighboring districts, colleagues, and students when needed at the time of a death. It is important to know that these counselors work in your district every day and are a resource whenever you or your students need to talk about the memories of the student or your own emotions. These counselors can also facilitate discussions with teachers and parents on how best to honor the memory of the student, both now and when their class graduates.
I want to share two impactful experiences I had as an administrator to illustrate how working collaboratively with a team that includes school counselors can result in meaningful, supportive experiences during difficult times.
First, as a Superintendent, a group of seniors approached me with a request to incorporate the memory of their classmate who had committed suicide as an underclassman into the commencement ceremony. This request raised layers of questions and concerns, all of which needed careful consideration. By working as a team—with the principal, school counselor, key teachers, the students, and the parents—we developed an approach that was mindful of best mental health practices and research, honored the memory of the student in a way that fit the celebration of graduation, and respected the wishes of the parents. The students included a rose for their classmate, we denoted the student within the commencement program, invited the students parents to attend the commencement ceremony as my guests, and as a commencement speaker, I referenced her and the positive impact she had on the class. I hope that for the students and the parents, there was a sense of closure. Each situation is unique and it is important to bring together a team that includes counselors or a community professional who has had training in how to respond to a death, including a suicide, in the decision making.
In the second example, the district created a new position that empowered one of our school counselors to take on the Care Coordinator role for the district. She became the single point of contact for families in crisis, connecting them to community resources for mental health, food and utility support, legal services, health care, and alternative school placement. She also served on the district support team. By designating a single point of contact for parents and administrators, we were able to remove barriers to care and resources, make communication more efficient, and build trust relationships with families. In this role, she worked with counselors from Hospice, the school counselor, school administrator, teachers, and the parents of a student battling cancer. She also connected with the families of the student’s close friends, developing a tiered plan for support. This plan included working first with the parents of the friends, then the friends themselves, and finally the larger class to discuss what their friend was experiencing, how to be supportive, and how to navigate their own complex emotions as their friend’s death became imminent. It was a model that honored the wishes of the family and the child, and it helped everyone involved grow in their ability to acknowledge and work through the range of emotions that come with the death of a friend.
I chose to address this topic this week because we need to have a plan for how we will respond to the death of a child when it occurs, and as that child’s class continues through the PreK-12 journey. Now is a good time to talk about that plan or review your existing plan as an administrative team. As difficult as it is to talk about this, it is important to share these plans and experiences with each other so we can learn and grow together, and have a larger pool of resources to draw from when the time comes. My heart goes out to those of you who have had to lead or teach through the loss of a child this year or at any time in your career.